“To Bridget, Just as You Are ….”
Yesterday, in this post, Lolah (who sometimes masquerades as my little sister) wrote that one of the qualities she’s looking for in a partner is “ Someone who sees me for myself, my good, bad and ugly, and loves me anyway.” That made me think about the scene in Bridget Jones’ Diary (the film, though I suppose the scene’s in the book somewhere too) when Bridget realizes that Mark Darcy might not be so bad after all.* She’s fleeing a dreadful dinner party, and, as she heads out the door, Mark confesses that he likes her (with the implication being that he likes her likes her). Bridget retorts that when he says he likes her, he really means that he would like her if it weren’t for all of her flaws. Without hesitation, Mark Darcy replies, “No, I like you just as you are.”
I’m wondering if the problem sometimes with finding a partner is not that they won’t accept us just as we are, but that we have yet to come to an appreciation of just who we are. It’s one thing to admit that you have flaws, but it’s an entirely different thing to not just admit you have flaws but to be okay with them. To look them square in the eye and accept them objectively. Which doesn’t mean you don’t try to work on them, or minimize the damage they sometimes cause, but that you address them from a place of acceptance rather than judgement. I think it’s this fear of judgement that keeps us from seeing ourselves clearly in the first place, and if we can’t see ourselves clearly, how can we let anyone else see us clearly? Because, sure, you might be able to assess all the nuances of my character from a mile away, and be willing to help me grow in any way you can, but if I’m afraid to take too close a look at myself, I’m not going to appreciate you looking that closely either, no matter how deeply rooted in a place of love your gaze is.
So, here’s to me—just as I am.
*To be clear, Colin Firth looks hot even in a ridiculous Christmas sweater. Really, Bridget, what were you thinking?