A letter to God
Sculpture Garden, National Gallery of Art. Spring 2011
I was looking through my journals from last year for inspiration for tonight’s post. I found this poem draft written some time between February 6 and February 9, 2011. The doubt I express in the poem is still what I struggle with most in my relationship with God. I know he exists. I struggle, however, with the idea of his love as constant, consistent, as a no-matter-what kind of love. And so when we get too close, I break it off before he can be the one to break my heart.
Forgive me for keeping my heart
but I have suffered enough heart
break from those who were supposed
to love you. I can believe
you are God. I can believe
you are divine, miraculous.
I want to believe you love me no
matter what but that seems a luxury
tax I can ill afford. What if I am wrong
again? I wish 70 x 7 miracles were
enough. I wish oceans of grace were
enough. I wish…