And then she said….
Today I’ve been thinking about the language people use to compliment you when you’ve lost weight. “You’re disappearing.” “You’re shrinking.” “You’re wasting away.” The sentiment is, of course, positive, but the language itself is less so. It can feel, in fact, downright accusatory.
Change is uncomfortable on both sides of the transaction. Even as you’re wondering who’ll you be without the extra weight—will men be attracted to me now, will I fell more comfortable going out/dancing/being the life of the party, will I like different types of clothes—I imagine there are some who are also wondering, “Is she now going to be a threat when it comes to the getting a boyfriend/husband thing? Are people going to like her more than me now? Is she going to be prettier than me?”
Nobody really likes a wild card, which is precisely what you become as you start to inhabit your new body. If you can’t predict what you’ll do/want/think, how can anyone else?
This is not to say that every well-wisher is secretly hoping you’ll fall off the wagon and into a vat of Twinkies, but it’s naive to think that a change in attractiveness—toward either end of the spectrum—won’t affect how people relate to you. And I don’t think there’s really any way to prepare for this other than to just be aware it may happen. I mean I think this is really just one of those you take the good, you take the bad situations.
p.s. This does not mean you should stop giving me compliments. I’m just saying…