So in addition to asking myself what I would do if I stopped focusing so intently (and unhealthily) on what other people do, I’ve got to ask myself what opportunities—for relationship, for healing, for grace, for favor—am I missing because I’m looking at situations through twin lenses of guilt and shame?

There’s probably a whole bunch of questions we could all stand to ask ourselves on a daily basis: Have I been kind today? Have I been an asshole today? Have I laughed at least once today? Have I really listened to everyone I had a conversation with? Have I in some way told at least a few of the people I love that I love them? Have I had a moment of wonder? Have I shared something on social media that’s positive and inspiring? Have I shared something on social media that’s just plain old mean? (This may be a subcategory of “Have I been an asshole today?”) Have I shared some thought-provoking on social media? Have I let go of one hurt I’ve been carrying around for a long time? Have I said sorry for a hurt I’ve caused whether it was on purpose or not? Have I reacted or have I acted? Have I done at least one good thing for my body today? Have I learned something new? Have I thrown away or recycled one thing I just don’t need anymore? Have I taken some time to just be still? Have I looked up at the sky today? Have I shown generosity in some way, shape, or form? Have I done something nice for myself? Have I forgiven myself for at least one of the things I’m mad at myself for? Have I done something kind/nice/sweet for someone just because? Have I spent time offline? Have I disconnected from my phone for at least 30 minutes today? Have I been willing to change my mind about something today? Have I compared myself to others or tried to “keep up with Joneses” today? Have I given myself a moment just to daydream? Have I had a moment of gratitude for all that I have? Have I stopped contemplating all that I lack for at least a little while? Have I truly, madly, deeply lived today?

To be continued…