Letter From My 48th Year (February 7)
I’ve had a lot flitting around my mind today. And it has suddenly occurred to me that being that this is my blog, I can tell you ALL of it. So here goes…
I really love to watch white people dance. I mean like Armie Hammer in Call Me By Your Name dance, where they’re off beat and movement challenged but just throwing themselves into dancing anyway. I can get self-conscious when I dance as I’ve never been able to coordinate my limbs into whatever dance moves are the dance moves of the moment. After doing a zillion workout videos I did finally learn how to do a pretty good salsa and I also learned that you can salsa to most anything. But if I lose the rhythm or suddenly remember that people can see me, it takes a good long while for me to get back into the moment. Which brings me back to the white people who will just enthusiastically, joyfully fling their limbs whenever they want however they want and GNF. I want to be able to dance like that. (I may or may not bring this up with Armie if I can finagle an interview.) (And yes, I know that there are a great many white people who can dance, but this post is not about them. Duh!)
Did you read this interview with Quincy Jones? Heck, it’s more than an interview, it’s a mamajamming lifestyle! That I aspire to. As my friend A put it he was “happily crotchety and wise.” Which I aspire to. And am in training to be. (Also, let’s not pretend that any of us would’ve said No to A Streetcar Named Desire-era Marlon Brando.)
When my mom doesn’t do something because she’s (secretly) afraid of whatever it is, her excuse is always, “I don’t/didn’t feel comfortable.” This is the same woman who used to fearlessly face down the highways of New York City to get from Queens to the Bronx on a daily basis (but now barely drives though she lives in a car city). I’m wondering when fearless turned to fear loss. (See what I did there? C’mon, don’t make me be the only one who’s tickled by my cleverness.) I’m thinking of that great line from Strictly Ballroom: “A life lived in fear is a life half-lived.” That’s one thing that gives me pause, that as I age a switch might flip and I might suddenly become fearful of taking even the slightest risk. I’ve never been an adrenaline junkie nor do I expect to ever become one. But I would like to maintain, and perhaps even increase a wee bit, my tolerance for risk. Following up on the discomfort post from yesterday, I’m not sure how I can keep moving forward as an artist if I don’t embrace risk and discomfort despite the fear. How else to keep growing?
Speaking of people I’d like to interview, I really want to chat with Jon Hamm about the connection between creativity and curiosity. I heard him chat for two hours with Pete Holmes (which I may have already mentioned) and now I have so many questions. My desire to listen to podcasts waxes and wanes but I freely admit that there are a few people in whom I didn’t think I had any interest that I decided to interview purely based on hearing them interviewed by someone else. I’m looking at you Josh Groban.
Dude, why you only want to interview white men? Uhm, cause Ava D. is too busy right now, Viola D.’s flat out said no as soon as they got my e-mail (okay, her people did), and Shonda’s agent kept me going back and forth for months before ghosting me. The struggle is real, my friends, the struggle is real.
But really, anyone have David Harbour’s number? I know he’s in Antartica right now but…
PS This blog post is dedicated to Michael R. He knows why.