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Things I Can’t Do

Paulette Beete - 007I

…Take photos as well as Carrie Holbo.

Wind film around the reel in a darkroom

Drive a car

Stand in high heels

Wear a size 6

Remember all the words to my early poems

Remember all my passwords

Memorize “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock”

Take back that missed chance I had to see Prince

Start over at the beginning

Forgive easily

Give up chocolate for ever

Like soy milk

Balance my checkbook

Tell you everything

Not think about him every once in  a while

Remember the steps

Do the Dougie

Understand all the words when British singers sing in their own accents

Forget all the bad times

Remember all the good times

Count to ten in a language that’s not English, French, Spanish, or Italian

Tell Dija I’ll sing at her wedding

Tell Carolyn and Dave we can do something else

Tell Kevin I’ll go to the prom with him

Let Sedrick comb my hair

Forget Christophe’s birthday

Understand why you did that

Drink like I did when I was 25

Not draw that guy that map cause I’m drunk and so is he

Play the piano well

Make Julia Child’s boeuf bourguignon

Make my friendship with her work again

Stop rewinding to certain scenes in Fish Tank

Throw myself all the way open

Things I Used to Be

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her best friend
her air quotes
her missed appointment
a woman with an inarticulate monster inside of her
a woman with a hole inside of her
a woman with nine tumors
a woman with a Zoloft prescription
“a surly brickhouse of a girl”
the tallest girl in my class
a far away sister
a girl who danced with monsters
a girl who couldn’t dance
the drunk girl at the bar making out with a guy while his friends laughed
the drunk girl going to the drive-through and waking up with a Big Mac wrapper in her bed
the drunk girl in the front row on house right
in love with him
a groupie for men who play the harmonica
a singer
an actor
a typist
a temp
a woman who didn’t buy flowers for herself
not 43
not employed
not writing
not ambitious
not smart
damned obzuky
Sweet Sue in “Sugar”
Sarah Brown in “Guys and Dolls”
a native and a Honeybun in “South Pacific”
someone who didn’t know about Marina Abramovic
someone who didn’t know about May Sarton
someone who didn’t know about Junot Diaz
a bad cook
a bad loser
someone who couldn’t bear it when plans fell through
someone who couldn’t bear it when the fat lady sang
someone who didn’t make lists

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